Uniformity. Favoritism. Exclusion.
New Games for a New Age

Hi Guys! You know, it’s way more fun to go along with the crowd than to go your own way! So we’re going to toss out all of those old history books and games, and join up with the new game in town: Uniformity, Favoritism and Exclusion! No more of that DEI stuff! If you want to be different, go back to France!

We’re making gaming great again with three new games, games that fit right in, in the new America! Let’s have a look!

Chicks Can’t Drive
Back in the DEI days, everyone knew this, but it was politically incorrect to say it out loud. Now you can not just say it, you can play it!

Look, chicks shouldn’t drive at all. Everybody knows it’s true. But in this game, you’ve got to get your chick through a whole obstacle course of tough driving tasks. Well, pretty easy for you and me, but tough as a day without shopping for new shoes, for some chick.

She’s got to back that car right on up (heh heh). She’s got to stop at red lights, unless it just turned red, then it’s okay to go on through if she does it fast enough. Scratch the paint? That’s bad. Run over some beta on a bicycle? That’s worth extra points right there.

You know what this means. She’s a chick, and that means you’re going to have to explain driving to her. That’s what men do: we were put here to explain stuff to chicks. The player who gets his chick back home with the most points, he wins. Chicks can’t play games either, everyone knows that, too.

Order Chicks Can’t Drive right here!

Mr. Autocrat
The American Presidency, 2025 - ?
It’s not a game about politics. Talking about politics is bad, everyone knows that. Instead, it’s a game about what the president does. And in this game, you’re going to Make America . . . well, you know. You’ve got an Article II, and that means you can do anything you want. Plus, the Supreme Court’s given you immunity! For anything!

It’s a tough job, being President, which means you’ve got a lot to do:

• Glory. Russia is bigger than the United States, and bigger is better. It’s a fact. You can look it up. So you’re going to have to embiggenate America, with more land. More land means more glory. Here’s a hint: Russia, it’s got 17 million square kilometers. (A kilometer’s what foreigners call miles.) America’s got 9 million, and Canada’s got 9 million, and that means . . . well, you can figure that out yourself.

But you got to be careful. You can’t go adding too many DEI people to America. Because another part of your job is . . .

• UFE. Uniformity, Favoritism and Exclusion. Too much DEI, and you lose the game. And you got to beware, that by 2040, DEI people will outnumber UFE people. You can’t let that happen. If that demographic bomb goes off on your watch, you are a loser. (Maybe we should do a game about that 2040 race war . . . nah, that would be too stupid and offensive even for us.)

• Retribution. The best part of being President? Everyone has to be nice to you. And people who were not nice to you? Well, now you’re the President.

Order Mr. Autocrat right here!

Common Sense!
In the bad old DEI days, way too many people followed science instead of their common sense. And look where it got them! Common Sense is a game all about common sense.

Where do scientists go to become scientists? Universities, that’s where. And what do they learn there? DEI. That’s all science is, is a bunch of crap all rolled together to seem all diverse and equitable and inclusive, whatever the hell that means. None of it makes any sense at all, anyone with common sense can tell you that.

In Common Sense, the game, you win by showing the most common sense. Real wisdom of the people:

• Never question authority.